Quotes Quotes Quotes

My friend, professor Chris Lamb, who usually writes about editorial cartoons, has written a book about famous quotes. The book is called, “I’ll be Sober in the Morning.” The title is culled from a famous Winston Churchill quote. The book is great fun and Chris sent me a collection of his favorite quotes from the book that I am including below. E-mail Chris.

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill had been drinking heavily at a party and bumped into Bessie Braddock, a Socialist parliament member.

“Mr. Churchill, you are drunk,” Braddock said harshly.

“And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly,” Churchill snapped and then after a pause, added: “I’ll be sober in the morning.”

John Wilkes, the eighteenth-century British political reformer, was debating John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, in the House of Parliament. As the exchange went on, the tone grew more and more personal. Montagu finally shouted at Wilkes that he would either die on the gallows or of venereal disease. To which Wilkes responded, “That, sir, depends on whether I first embrace your Lordship’s principles or your Lordship’s mistresses.”

During one of the famous Lincoln-Douglas debates, U.S. Sen. Stephen Douglas told his conservative audience that he had once seen his opponent selling whiskey.

When it was his turn to speak, Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he had once worked as a bartender.

“I was on one side of the bar serving drinks,” he said, “and Douglas was on the other side, drinking them.”

When Woodrow Wilson was governor of New Jersey, he was informed that one of the state’s U.S. senators had died and it would therefore be up to Wilson to appoint a successor. Shortly thereafter, a state politician called Wilson and said, “Mr. Governor, I’d like to take the senator’s place.”

“It’s okay with me,” Wilson replied, “if it’s okay with the undertaker.”

One evening a nervous soprano struggled hopelessly before President Calvin Coolidge at a White House recital.

“What do you think of the singer’s execution?” one of the guests asked Coolidge.

Coolidge paused and then quietly answered, “I’m all for it.”

Former Georgia Governor Herman Talmadge was asked what would be the effect of all the people moving from Georgia to Florida.

“I am sure it will enhance the level of intelligence of both states,” Talmadge said.

During an exchange in Parliament, Lady Nancy Astor snarled at Winston Churchill and said: “If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee.” Churchill replied: “If you were my wife, Nancy, I’d drink it.”

By Daryl Cagle

Daryl Cagle is the founder and owner of Cagle Cartoons, Inc. He is one of the most widely published editorial cartoonists and is also the editor of The Cagle Post. For the past 35 years, Daryl has been one of America’s most prolific cartoonists.